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23 June 2015 @ 09:31 am
Answer for question 4422.  
Are you more likely to avoid conflict (of whatever kind) or engage it head-on? Is there an instance where you avoided a problem that you now wish you could go back and take a different course of action -- what was the situation and why do you wish you'd handled it differently?
I'm definitely a conflict avoider usually, but if the person is someone I can't or don't want to avoid, I can have a reasonable discussion about it. Sometimes if something irks me enough I might start provoking them unintentionally but would still avoid actually addressing the issue, which is a character flaw for sure. It happens mostly because I'm not great at taking criticism, I just take everything really personally and get extremely insulted most of the time and it's not a great feeling so I basically build my life around escapism.

There's one conflict I wish I had handled differently. It bothers me so much that I never explained to an ex friend why her actions upset me so much. I just provoked her and indirectly insulted her all the time without telling her WHY, and that would have been a shitty way to act even if I would have been more honest about the reason. You just don't treat people like that, ever, even if they insult you first. The proper reaction would have been either a clean breakup without all the drama, or being actual grownups and having a rational honest conversation. But we didn't, so... from her perspective it probably looks like I was just being an awful bigot or something but I honestly had a really good, but very personal reason for having a problem with the things she was saying. I didn't want to tell her the truth because it's so difficult to share something personal with someone that you already have a pretty strained relationship with, but now I wish I had because I'm sure that a) she would have understood and b) ONLY she would have understood. If I ever do want to talk about my issues, I don't really have anyone and it's really hard to accept that knowing I could have avoided this situation. But well, I hope I learned something.

(btw, does anyone know any fun fandom/character memes or something else I could fill to pass the time...? I'd like to write about something but can't think of anything. I feel like talking about Teen Wolf. I think I'll start writing reactions when s5 starts airing but I'm not sure if I'll do it here or if I'll finally start using Tumblr.)
 
 
 
pizza queenace_of_spades6 on June 25th, 2015 09:58 pm (UTC)
I feel you on avoiding conflict, I used to be like that all the time and would just let everyone walk all over me. I'm still like that every now and then, but not even close to how I used to be. I don't mind conflict anymore because I know how to calmly discuss something that is bothering me with someone else. But I do still provoke and not have reasonable discussions every now and again, but it's rare now that I've gotten older.

I'm sorry that happened with you and your friend though, I lost a friend like that, just didn't talk about it or she wouldn't talk about it so we fought and nothing was resolved. But then again she is kind of a bitch and ruined one of my relationships so I don't feel too bad about not being her friend anymore. Either way, it could have went better, but I don't think that was in the cards for me, and it happens the way it happens. Still sorry that you lost a friend that way though. ):

(i do not know of any fandom memes on here, i just know them on tumblr where people make graphics/gifs for them. but i could look around? cause tbh i need to do the same thing, and nooo stay away from tumblr lol don't get sucked into the void.)
a random javascript function: kate juliet 2jsfunction on July 1st, 2015 08:03 pm (UTC)
Oh my god I'm so sorry for not responding to this in decent time. i had no idea that PM notifications don't get sent for entries that are replies to the daily question thing. :<

So sorry to hear you lost a friend too. Though the circumstances sound very different and it sounds like you might be better off without her. But yeah, breaking up with a friend is always sad but in my case I can only be sad and sorry about my own actions.

LOL ok I'll try to stay away from tumblr I mean I kinda lurk there already but I have no idea how to start discussing stuff and how to be there at all so idk. Also there's so much wank there (especially in the big fandoms that I'm into) and it kinda scares me. But then again I cant find any active fandom discussions on LJ so I might have to.
pizza queen: will graham; it's getting darkace_of_spades6 on July 2nd, 2015 09:29 am (UTC)
Hey that's alright!! Just reply when you can hon! (:

Yeah I'm definitely better off without her, all she brought to the table was drama for sure. But I do feel sad and sorry for things I had said, I could have handled the situation more maturely. At the same time, I was only like 21 or something and she was 19 so tbh not much maturity there in the first place. Especially when her bf (who ended up being her baby daddy which thankfully I did not go through that with her) was stupid too and yeah, just drama central and I am glad to be away from it.

I understand, I miss LJ in it's hayday ): the fandom discussions are hard to find, and tumblr has taken everybody away. That or reddit, but I steer clear of reddit because I've heard it's a terrible place. So I understand going to tumblr, I have one, but it's not as fun as it used to be and now I've migrated back here.
Tinnytinnny on June 28th, 2015 09:27 am (UTC)
Are you talking about fic memes or graphics memes? I don't know about fic stuff, since I don't write (or didn't used to *ahem*).

I am doing tons of 20 in 20 challenges lately to pass the time. Some are show-based, some character-based, some actor-based, and you can choose your own theme/claim at all of them. I don't know if that is what you're looking for?

The ones I'm participating in are (in order of awesomeness):
inspired20in20
character20n20
season20in20
gents20in20
guys20in20

plus

historamedy365 which is a daily "100 icons in a year" type of challenge.

a random javascript function: bocke stay close to mejsfunction on July 1st, 2015 07:22 pm (UTC)
omg, I'm so sorry I didn't reply to this!! I didn't get any PM notifications, probably cause it's a response to that daily question thing. didn't mean to ignore you, sorry :(

I mostly meant discussion memes like one of those 'give me a character and I'll tell you my opinions of them' types of things. I do love icon comms though and didnt know of some of these, so thanks!! :)

I'm impressed that you do so many 20in20s. I'm a super slow iconer myself and can do max 1 20in20 in a month, so I haven't done any in a long while, been focusing on smaller challenges like icontests and the7days, but when I do it's usually inspired20in20 or character20n20, so your order of awesomeness sounds about right, haha. I'm really nervous about attempting character20n20 this round again. Let's see how it goes. :p
Tinny: librarians_flynn with beads i didtinnny on July 8th, 2015 03:31 pm (UTC)
(sorry I was away over the weekend and things piled up)

I'm impressed that you do so many 20in20s.

I used to be really slow, too. I don't know what happened this year, to be honest. I am totally obsessed with the Librarians and Noah Wyle and that has let my muse soar. I never wrote fic before, either. I think it's connected.

The 20in20 thing started out with two a month just so I had something to do the whole month. Then it turned out that for most of them, you can't claim the same thing twice in a row, so I added two more. Honestly, this month, it has gotten out of hand. //) I am sure I will have to drop out of at least one. I don't want to just hand in quick-cropped crap, either.

But it has gotten to the point where I can make an icon I like in about 20 minutes. Some of them, especially prompts/themes i don't like, still take hours. But with 20 minutes per icon, it works out so I can make about 5 per day. And I like the challenge of having to fill the whole table.

I'm really nervous about attempting character20n20 this round again. Let's see how it goes. :p

Awesome! I'm crossing my fingers for you! That's the one I'm most concerned about, too. But if that's the one you're in, too, then I'll make an effort to finish it. This is the first time (since SGA times) that anyone from my flist has ever been in an icon challenge with me.